Old granny told me when I was just ten,
That a snake's about as dangerous as half a dozen men.
So we lived by a golden rule back then,
That the only good snake was dead one, friend!

We'd find 'em in the paddock and we'd see 'em out back,
Then grab a piece of dead wood, and with one crack
The snake would be finished. We'd throw 'im in the sack,
Then skin ' im, tan ' im, and hang ' im on the shack!

But Granny was the greatest! She was calm, and still,
And I never saw a snake that Granny couldn't kill.
But there was one day we almost read her will -
The day the Red Belly Black came down from up the hill.

T'was on the old veranda close to Christmas time,
Us kids were eating apple pie, and Gran was sippin' wine.
We saw ' im slowly sliding in beneath the creeping vine.
He nestled near the water tank, and Granny said, " He's mine!"
Now the Red Belly Black is as slow as me and you -
Which is probably just as well seeing Granny had a few!
She got some boiling water... but slipped as she threw,
And I don't need to tell you what a half boiled snake will do!

He leapt three feet and he struck at Gran,
So she reached out quick with her one free hand,
Then, squeezing him as hard as an old girl can,
She tossed the bugger in the air and ran!

In no time flat we were in the shack,
Granny on the table, kids on her back,
Being hotly pursued by a Red Belly Black,
And he sure wasn't chasing no farm yard rat!

We yelped and screamed as he flew through the air!
He bit the door, and he bit the chair!
He was only half cooked but he didn't care,
He wanted revenge, and I guess that's fair.

So we nestled down by Granny's side,
On a kitchen table just four feet wide,
Deciding then to swallow our pride,
And wait right there till the black snake died.
But I woke the next morning in my own sweet bed,
And took it for granted that snake was dead.
Apparently he drank Gran's bottle of red,
So she crept on down and chopped off his head.

And now we've changed our golden rule,
To, "If you play with snakes you're a crazy fool!
It's just not smart and it sure ain't cool" -
As the bite marks prove in the kitchen stool.

And old Granny's mellowed since her fright.
She blames her age and her poor eyesight,
But she taught me a real good lesson that night...
"If ya' gonna do a job, do the bloody job right!"